Why do people trade Love for Hate?

As a person that has led people ever since I was eighteen, and have always strived to learn more about people so I could better lead. I know I'm not where I want to be as a leader, but I'm learning and growing every year. There is one thing that I have noticed in a small group of people that I just don't get (I'm Lost) I try to understand but just don't get it! What is it? It's the action of walking away from everybody and everything that is loving and good and chasing people and things that are not.

You might be saying "people don't do that!" but I would say with confidence that they do, and it's happening every day. Anybody that cares about people has seen it a number of times and no matter if we know that person personally or not, it breaks our heart. So many people suffer from this and even know the number of people that do this type of thing is a minority, it affects everybody at some point in our lives, if not directly most definitely indirectly. So what does it look like?: It's the parent that neglects their child/children, the child that rebels against their parents, the spouse that abandons their husband/wife, or the person that walks away from their entire family, to name a few.    So what makes these people they are moving toward harmful? That's easy. Anybody that allows you to walk away from a loving and nurturing support system is not only harmful but hateful, not only to the loving support system but to you! If they were truly caring and loving they would support and encourage the continued relationship with the people that love you. I don't get it, maybe because, even know I've done lot's of things I wish I could change or do better, I have never walked away from a loving support system or loved ones, and I most definitely wouldn't have done it in favor of a person or group of people that showed contempt toward my future. So I ask why? 

If you are more enlightened to this situation than me please share and comment to help me understand why this happens. Maybe you were that person, and were blind to it and now you see, whatever it might be please share anything you believe will help understand and help families and individuals deal with this tragedy.

Help Youth Trips are killing me!

Last week I was at a youth conference and a friend walked up to me and said, "Jerry you should write a blog on how to survive on a youth trip" he was referring to our physical health. I immediately thought, that is a great idea! So here we go. As a youth pastor of nineteen years I have led between four to six overnight youth events per year since 1997, so somewhere around a hundred trips, and I know what it's like to go on a youth trip with no concern for my health, but more recently, I also know what it's like to be concerned and make adjustments to honor God.  Let me start by saying over the years youth trips were the times I treated my body worse than any other 3-5 day period of my ministry, but thankfully I have grown in my knowledge and desire to make adjustments on these trips.
So how do we have a great youth trip, with the focus on our students and at the same time do practical things to manage our own health on the trip?
  FitPastors an organization that I work with to coach church leaders from all over the country has a very simple illustration that we use of our bodies; That illustration is that of a vehicle. Just like our vehicle carries around the most precious people in the world to us; our family, our bodies carry around the most precious part of all creation; our soul.  I won't go into all the details here, but I want to use what we call the four tires, to help you make better choices on your next youth trip. What are the four tires? 1. Move 2. Lift 3. Fuel 4. Rest, and our goal is to balance all four of these tires so we can keep our vehicle (body) on the road in working condition, fulfilling God's call. Out of our four tires, There is one tire that I still haven't figured out how to balance on a youth trip, but it is a tire that can be and should be focused on right after the trip, and that's the Rest Tire. Trying to get rest on a youth event is like watching our students try to speak Spanish for the first time in mexico, yes they try but it's more amusing than it is effective. So my advise on taking care of your rest tire is it take two to three days off immediately following the event; I know there is a lot of work to do after an event, but I also know that you getting rest is way more important for your long term ministry, and if your church doesn't make you take days off (It Should), you let the leadership of your church know your need for rest, and start making it part of your post trip routine. So let's talk about the three other tires. How do we balance them on the trip, or do we also just push through and worry about them afterward the trip also? Absolutely not! You can and must learn how to manage these other three tires while on the trip, and this goes for any church leader at any multi-day conference.
  Let's talk about the fuel tire first. Depending on the type of event this could change considerably, for camp you are pretty much at the mercy of the camp, but you can make good choices and even be willing to bring some more healthy snacks with you to the camp. Stay away from the white breads, white pasta, and rice. Eat lots of salad but stay away from the creamy dressings. Example for a Mexican food meal: hold off on the rice, and choose Corn tortilla over flour or even better make a taco salad with meat, chicken if available, with beans and salsa. And always pick fruit over fries or tater tots. How about a youth trip where you are buying breakfast and eating out for lunch and dinner. First you have total control over the morning food so make sure that you say no to the Costco muffins (I know they use to be a staple in my breakfast too) and go for the boiled eggs, Greek yogurt, maybe a few whole grain cereals, whole grain bread and peanut butter, and of course fruit. When you choose places for lunch and dinner try to find an area that will give kids an opportunity to have options, a lot of kids if available will choose better options, and it will give you an opportunity to do the same. If your stuck at a fast food place like McDonald's or Burger King, here are some small hacks that will make it a little less toxic (bad for you). Choose no bun or take the top bun off and go open faced, get fruit instead of fries and skip the sugary or fake sugar drink and get water. Speaking of sugary drinks this is definitely the most significant change you could make. Get rid of all the sugary drinks and carry a water bottle and drinks lot's of water! There is one exception that I make to this and it's coffee, not black coffee that's great, drink up if your a black coffee drinker, I'm talking an annihilator at Dutch Brothers, Yes caffeine is a need and unfortunately I can't do black coffee yet. If you too need your fluffy coffee fix don't over do it, maybe that one for a morning pick me up, and cut out all other drinks besides water and drink lots of it. If the conference has a green room, be conscious of what you eat, most of them are filled with both decent snacks and snacks that have little or no nutritious value. The top rules are: grab a water, pick fruits and veggies, and stay away from the candy bars. I know it's tempting but just walk away!
 Now lets talk Lift and move tires which is Cardio and strength training. Now at first glance these two tires might seem tough; you can't run or lift weights at a youth trip, right? actually it is quite easy to keep these balanced if you are willing to be intentional. In the youth group bonding time this is happening, swimming, basketball, Ninja, and horse play all throughout the conference or camp. Then you can add, parking further away from the church, hotel or restaurant, so you have to walk, take the stairs instead of the elevators, or how about serving the ladies by having a small group of guys including yourself take their bags to the rooms. This one maybe a little tougher, but getting up thirty minutes early and hitting the gym if your at a hotel, I've been able to pull it off some mornings on some of the trips over the last couple years and I have never regretted it, one time I even got the boys in my room to join me. I realize that this is not an exhausted list but I guarantee you that you will come home feeling better and weighing less if you take time to implement these simple youth travel hacks to your next Youth trip.
If you would like connect or specific questions or comments that you would like to discuss I would love to connect with you, and help you reach your health goals. I am a certified personal trainer, weight management specialist, sports nutrition, DotFit Instructor, Certified health coach, with both Dr. Sears Wellness Institute, and Precision Nutrition, and Pastor who has a passion to see others succeed in every area including but not limited to their physical health.



If you would like to know more about coaching, email me at zaofit3@zaofit.com. Iwould love to help you reach your health goals.

It's My Life!

We all know life can be hard, and our own bad decisions can make it
a lot tougher, but the worst is when someone else's bad decisions make our life tougher!  A person's willingness to do something knowing it will cause other great pain is a great indicator of how truly selfish that person is, and when the person causing all the pain is a loved one it increases the pain tenfold. Most, if not all of us have been affected by a loved one that says with their mouth they love us, but their actions say something very different. With the excuse being; "it's my life!" Really? It's my life! I wonder sometimes if people really believe that they have the moral right to make difficult, destroy, dishonor, and just plain make others miserable in the name of "It's my life!"? I think back to my days as a teenager and I have no doubt, that some of my decisions hurt others, but I can say with sincerity that it wasn't with the attitude of it's my life, as a matter of fact, there was a number of times that I choose not to do something for the sake of others and as I got older, I became more aware and intentional about making decisions for the good of others too. I get it we all want to have control of our life, but when we have control of anything including ourselves it's not without responsibility, and part of that responsibility is for the concern and care of others that are connected to us. I know that believing in a creator, and one that is personal and cares about our daily life concerns plays a part, actually is a huge reason why I care about the feelings of others, and why I believe that we're all in this together not for competition, but community.  All too often I have seen people suffer huge, because a child, parent, or spouse decided that their so-called happiness was more important than the rest of the family and they needed to do their thing regardless of what it would cause to everybody else, and unfortunately, there are people that would lead them to believe, that it's not only ok but needed for their happiness.

To make things worse years later the person is still not happy but they have also succeeded in hurting the ones they claim to love because happiness is never obtained through selfishness but rather selflessness.  This is not a letter to shame or condemnation, but of pleading. I plead with you for your future self and for your loved ones that are hurting with and for you, stop attempting to live as though your alone on an island and live as though the island is full of people that love you and are affected by your choices and will do whatever it takes to help you succeed in life because ultimately your life is theirs too.

The Like button

Facebook has really evolved over the years, and one of those things is the like button. Something that I have observed quite a bit, over the years working with teenagers is, holding back a like because they're mad at their friend. Really? But as time has gone by I realize it's pretty universal. Yes, unfortunately, it seems adults are leading the way. I know sounds absolutely ridiculous that social media has caused us to regress to the point of; "I will show you I'm mad by not liking your stuff" instead of having a relationship and going to our friend and discussing the issue. When a friend offends us, most of the time they are not aware (that is until we decide that we will not like or comment on their stuff to show them they can't get away with that). And the best way to work it out is to let them know so they can react based on the knowledge that they have hurt us, whether they apologize or not, either way, we both know where things stand.
Unfortunately, I have participated in this childish way of dealing with conflict and hurt too many times, but I'm grateful for the conviction of the Holy Spirit that has caused me to rethink my tendency to hold back my likes based on feelings that can be so fickle. I know I also use to justify it by telling myself I just don't like that, but we know otherwise don't we? I also know it's simple to justify holding back alike because we feel as if they were the ones being a lousy friend, and maybe they were or are, but if we think for one minute, that we are being anything more than lousy in our friendship to them we are dead wrong. Ok, I can go on forever about how wrong and immature it is for us to use Facebook as a tool to show our anger over something we feel is more than justified. (even know we are and would be wrong) But I would like to end by saying; Friendships should always be valued and valued enough to listen to the good advice of Paul in his writing to the church in Ephesus, where he says to "always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other's faults because of your love. Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the spirit, binding yourselves together with peace" As adults, I hope we can lead the way in showing our children the importance of relationships and how to reconcile and preserve our friends so they can build and have healthy friendships throughout their lives.

Letter to that guy

To all the little boys out there who think their men. You know the ones. The ones that think they can treat young ladies like their property, like something they wear, get tired of it and throw away. The ones that take beautiful princesses and make them feel that they are less than. They are the ones that take these precious little girls, those little girls that were created by God, and treat them like an ordinary skipping rock. Yes, these beautiful souls were created to be honored, protected, and loved like a perfectly cut diamond that was made for a special purpose, and created for a perfect setting, to be worn and cherished and protected by one person forever. But you chose to take that beautiful precious diamond and use it for a skipping rock and wonder why everybody seems to hate on you. Let me inform you; people aren't hating on you their loving on the one your hating on.
  One day you may have a precious daughter and hopefully, you will come to a realization how foolish you were, but until then do your community and every other human being a favor and move to an island with all your fellow fools and live there, for let says the rest of your life. Or at least until you grow up and realize that loving someone requires selfless sacrifice, a sacrifice for which you know nothing about.

I know your name and I know your game, telling her; "no one else understands you like I do" only works while she is blinded and then it all comes crashing down, but unfortunately by the time they see you for who you really are they have already been taking down a path of hurt, pain, and regret, that will affect the rest of their life, of course, that doesn't bother you because your intention was to get what you could for as long as you could. I know you want to make her feel like she's broken so she will hold tightly to you, the only one that can fix her, at least that's the lie you tell her, but in all reality, you are the one broken, and unfortunately broken people like to break others. I just want you to understand that you're not fooling anybody else and you will pay for your lying and manipulating ways. Yes, I know you think you have gotten away with something, but believe me, you haven't, you have only temporarily taken down another person with you. Understand when I tell you; love is more about what you do than what you say, so don't be surprised when the people that really do love that precious young lady that you so shamelessly use, end up doing everything in their power to make you a distant memory, and please don't talk about love as if you know what it means because you got as much clue about love as you do about being a decent human being. I will end by saying I really do hope and pray that you actually wake up and see that you too are valuable under all that loserness, but for the sake of us all; leave our nieces, sisters, daughters, and granddaughters alone while you figure out yourself.